

| The Dog's Diary  8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing! 12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing! 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing! 5:00 pm - Dinner! My favourite thing! 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing! 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing! 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing! | 
|  The Cat's Diary Day 983 of My   Captivity My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They   dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or   some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations   perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my   strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to   disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse   and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike   fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities.   However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good   little hunter" I am. Bastards!   There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in   solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the   noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the   power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use   it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my   tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this   again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs. I   am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog   receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more   than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an   informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain   that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody   for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ... | 
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